


There's A Screen On My Chest

by orphan_account



Series: It's Hard to Tell the Difference Between Blood and Water These Days [2]
Category: Food Network RPF, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, Teletubbies (TV), The Wiggles, Twenty One Pilots, Yo Gabba Gabba (TV)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Cannibalism, Drugs, Gen, Grape Juice, Hallucinogens, Kidnapping, Licking Fetish, M/M, Murder, Mystery, Pedophilia, Perversion, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Search Parties, Secret Identity, Tranquilizers, gay cannibals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-12 12:47:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 12,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4479749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler and Josh are transported to the land of the Teletubbies, where they have to figure out how and why they got there- and how they're going to get back to the real world. </p><p><em> "don't know why i think i could lie, 'cause there's a screen on my chest; yeah, there's a screen on my chest." </em> - twenty one pilots</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i just really love teletubbies tbh

Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph were in their dressing room, waiting to play a show. They usually weren't that nervous, but for some reason, today was different. Everything had been fine until they'd entered the dressing room, when suddenly, they began realizing just how many things could go wrong with the show. 

“We’ll do fine, Tyler,” Josh said, although he only half-believed what he was saying.

“Uh-huh.”

Josh stood up and walked to the mini-fridge in the corner of the room. “Here,” he said, “there might be some Monster or somethi- wait, shoot, no, you can’t do that before a show- wait, can you? I don’t know. Well, maybe there’s water. Come here; we’ll look inside.”

Tyler stood up and walked over to Josh. 

“What if something goes wrong, Josh? I’m gonna mess up, I know I am- Oh my god, Josh, what the heck is that?”

Josh had opened the door of the small refrigerator, revealing what should have been a regular refrigerator, but for some reason… wasn’t.

There was no food inside; instead, there was a huge, black, screen-like object. It was beautiful, so beautiful. It was a dark and silky, like… like the sky at night, when the sun completely disappears over the horizon, and everything is jet-black, and-

“Josh, get back! What are you doing?”

Josh blinked. His face was inches from the screen. He tore his eyes away from it and looked at Tyler, before looking back at the screen. 

“It’s so… Tyler, it’s so perfect. I want to… I want to touch it… I want to touch it, Tyler…”

“Josh, no! Stop it, back the *potato* away from that!”

Tyler tried to grab Josh’s arm and pull him backwards, but he was too late. Just as his fingers closed around Josh’s arm, Josh’s hand made contact with the screen and went straight through it, taking Tyler and the rest of Josh with it.


	2. Chapter 2

For a few seconds, all Josh could see was black. Then, he realized it was because there was something covering his eyes. He reached up and pulled it off, and suddenly, the area he was in flooded with light. It was a beautiful grass meadow, full of flowers, trees, and hills. 

“Tyler,” Josh whispered breathlessly, “where are you? Come look at this.” He turned around, looking to see if Tyler was there, too.

“Josh? Josh? Where’d you go? Follow my voice, okay? Come over here. I’m right here. Can you hear me? Josh? Where are you, Josh?”

Josh walked to the top of the hill and looked down in the direction of the voice. It was so beautiful here. It was- it was like paradise, it was a utopia, it was- it was practically Heaven! Had he died and gone to Heaven? Where was God? He was probably around there somewhere. 

“Josh?”

Josh saw a small hole in the ground. Tyler had probably fallen down it. 

“I’m coming, Tyler,” he said as he made his way towards the hole. He knelt next to it. 

“Can you hear me, Tyler?”

“Yeah, there’s a ladder, so I’m gonna try to climb it, I think- HOLY *potato*”

Josh screamed and jumped back. He’d seen something in the hole, something with Tyler’s voice, but it hadn’t been Tyler. Josh didn't know what it had been.


	3. Chapter 3

Josh slowly crept back to the hole, trembling a bit.

“Tyler? Was that… was that thing… you?”

The creature reappeared and looked up at Josh. It was the size of a regular human, with a face that looked almost like a monkey, if Tyler was a monkey. It was bipedal, too. It wouldn't have been that creepy, if it weren't for the fact that its skin appeared to be made of bright red felt, and there was a gray screen on its chest.

“Yeah,” the thing- which Josh assumed to be Tyler- whispered, “It’s me, Josh. Josh, what did they do to you? Are you okay, man?” He sounded terrified, like he was holding back tears.

“What do you mean? I’m fine, Tyler. I mean, you should see yourself. You’re not human, Tyler. I don’t know what the *potato* you are, but…” Josh’s voice trailed off.

“Wait, what?” Tyler held his hand out in front of him and screamed. “Oh my God,” he shouted, “I’m one, too! *potato*! Oh, God, shoot, this is bad, I- what the *potato* did they do to us, how did this-”

“What do you mean, ‘us’?”

Tyler looked up at Josh and swallowed. “Haven’t you noticed yet?”

Josh started breathing faster. “Noticed what?”

“Josh, you’re one, too.”


	4. Chapter 4

Josh froze. “No,” he whispered. He slowly tilted his head down to look at his feet, but he first caught sight of his chest. It was the same color as Tyler’s, and it had the same screen on it. 

“Why the *potato* is there a screen on my chest?” Josh whispered. 

Tyler reached the top of the ladder. He pulled himself out of the hole and grabbed Josh’s arms- which were also bright red and covered in cloth- and said, “Josh, it’s okay. We're okay. I don't know what the heck is going on, but we're still together, and that means that we're okay.”

Josh looked up at Tyler and nodded. Tyler wrapped him in a hug. It felt extremely odd at first, because Tyler was… whatever he was… and so was Josh... 

After a bit, though, Josh put his arms around Tyler, too. They stood like that for a while. Thoughts ran through Josh’s mind. He was… he didn't even know what he was anymore. What if he'd never even been a human? What if he'd always been this thing, and he'd just been schizophrenic or something? What if-

Josh’s thoughts were interrupted by a high-pitched giggle. Tyler looked in the direction of it and grabbed Josh’s arm again. "Look," Tyler whispered.

Josh looked upwards to see a sun rising above them, with the face of a baby on it. A sun with a baby's face. A baby that was giggling. This was weird.

"What the *potato*?"

“Josh, don’t freak out, but that’s the sun from Teletubbies, and these hills are just like the ones from Teletubbies, and Josh, I think we've been turned into Teletubbies.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahaha remember the teletubbies guy who said all the stuff yeah well he's in this chapter but surprise because he's actually DJ Lance Rock from yo gabba gabba because why not 
> 
> i have wayyy too much time on my hands

“Oh, God, Tyler-” Josh fell silent. There was music coming from somewhere. “Oh my God,” he whispered, “Tyler, do you hear that?”

Tyler nodded and placed a finger to his lips. He walked down to the bottom of the hill they stood on and crouched on the ground, pulling Josh with him. Just as Josh’s knees touched the ground, a deep voice filled the area.

“Over the hills and far away, Teletubbies come to play.” 

Tyler grabbed Josh’s hand and looked at him. “Theme song,” he muttered.

“What?”

“Shhh, not so loud. The theme song is about to start. I think the Teletubbies-”

Suddenly, a creature similar to Josh and Tyler popped out of the hole Tyler had been in, followed by three others. 

“One.”

“One!”

“Two.”

“Two!”

“Three.”

“Three!”

“Four.”

“Four!”

“Five.”

The creatures- Teletubbies, for God’s sake- froze.

Josh turned to Tyler. “What are they doing?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, man- oh, God. Josh, we’re Teletubbies, too. There are six Teletubbies now.”

“Are you saying… Tyler, do we have to do that, too?”

Tyler grimaced and pulled Josh to his feet. “Follow my lead,” he said. 

Tyler ran up the hill, putting on the cheesiest smile Josh had ever seen.

“FIVE!!!!!”

“Six.”

Josh took a deep breath and ran up the hill next to Tyler.

“Six?”

“YAAAAAAAAAY!” The other Teletubbies ran around, cheering and hugging Tyler and Josh and each other. Tyler gave Josh a thumbs-up. “We’re okay,” he mouthed.

The Teletubbies ran down the hill and started marching. Josh stumbled down the hill after Tyler, who was swinging his arms with the same cheesy smile still etched on his face.  
Tyler slowed enough for Josh to catch up to him. 

“Josh,” he whispered, “act happier.”

“What-”

Josh abruptly closed his mouth when dozens of long, metal poles with speakers attached to them burst upwards from the ground.

“TIME FOR TELETUBBIES. TIME FOR TELETUBBIES.”

Tyler ran a few feet away from Josh and started flailing his arms. “Dance!” he hissed at Josh. Josh started flailing his arms like Tyler. 

“No,” Tyler whispered, “do something different!”

Josh thought for a moment. He didn’t know many dance moves. He settled on clapping his hands and moving his head from side to side. He felt like a psychotic child.

Suddenly, a dark-skinned man in a bright orange hat and jumpsuit ran up to Tinky-Winky. “Tinky Winky,” he said loudly in the same deep voice they’d first heard.

“Tinky Winky!” the purple Teletubby cried.

He then ran to Dipsy. “Dipsy!”

“Dipsy!”

“Laa-Laa!”

“Laa-Laa!”

“Po!”

“Po!”

Once he finished, the man ran to Tyler.

“Tyler!”

“Tyler!!!”

Josh’s heart skipped a beat. He was next. He kept clapping and tried his hardest to smile. The man came over and winked at him.

“Joshy-Woshy!”

“Uh, Joshy-Woshy!”

As soon as Josh finished, the other Teletubbies got into a single-file line and started speed-walking all over the place. Tyler and Josh followed. Josh sighed as they speed-walked.  
Joshy-Woshy? Why was he Joshy-Woshy when Tyler got to just be Tyler? Why had the man winked at him? 

“Teletubbies,” the man said.

“TELETUBBIES!” the Teletubbies cried, with Tyler and Josh echoing behind them. They all speed-walked to the man.

“Say hello,” he said. The Teletubbies waved and chorused, “Hello!” Then, they all ran off in pairs: Tinky-Winky with Dipsy, Laa-Laa with Po, and Tyler with Josh- well, Tyler with Joshy-Woshy.

The man bellowed their names again as he walked around. When he reached a pair, the two would run to each other and bump chests. Josh looked at Tyler. “I think it’s almost over,” Tyler whispered. 

The man reached them, so they bumped chests and ran to where the other Teletubbies had gone. 

“Teletubbies,” the man said. “TELETUBBIES!” the Teletubbies responded before crying, “Big hug!” and wrapping their arms around each other. Tyler stayed next to Josh.

“Dude, chill,” came a voice. Josh looked to his other side to see Dipsy. “Huh?” Josh mumbled. “Chill,” Dipsy said, “it’s almost over.” Josh stared at Dipsy, who was now smiling and laughing like the others again. 

A wind kicked up, and they all took a step back. The others put their hands over their mouths, so Tyler and Josh followed. “Uh-oh!” they chorused before running off in different directions. Josh followed Tyler, who had been following Tinky-Winky. Tinky-Winky ran into a hole in the ground, so Josh followed. 

Tyler looked over at Josh and squeezed his hand. “We’re okay,” he whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

At the bottom of the hole, there was a large area, with metal walls and windows of all different shapes. There were several doors leading to several different rooms. Josh thought it looked like an alien spaceship.

Tinky-Winky led Tyler and Josh into a large room. He looked around and then called out, “Clear!” in a voice far lower than the voice he'd used before. The other Teletubbies came into the room through several other entrances.

“Good work today,” Tinky-Winky said as he sat down on the floor. 

Laa-Laa yawned. “Who are the new guys?” she asked in a man's voice.

“That’s Tyler and… and Joshy-Woshy,” Dipsy said.

“Yeah, but who are they?”

“I don't know.”

Laa-Laa turned to Josh. “Who are you, Joshy?” she said, snorting after saying his name.

Josh looked at Tyler, who squeezed his hand and nodded. Josh shook his head. Tyler seemed to understand that Josh didn't want to talk right now. 

“I’m Tyler Joseph, and this is Josh Dun. We're in a band, I guess.”

Po snorted from where she stood in the corner.

“You mean you were in a band.”

Laa-Laa rolled her eyes at Po. “Be nice,” she said. 

"It's the truth. They're not in a band anymore. They're stuck here forever, just like us. Welcome to the party, pretty boys."

Po looked at Laa-Laa. “You wanna go back to my room?” Po asked. “Lead the way,” Laa-Laa replied before they both left.

Dipsy sighed. “They've always been kind of bitter about the whole situation. They mean well.”

Tinky-Winky nodded. He clapped his hands together. “So,” he said, “you're probably wondering what the *potato* you’re *potato* doing in this *potato* place, right? Right? Yeah, I’m *potato* right. I'm gonna *potato* tell you.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so now, we find out what's going on. yay.

"This all started with a guy named DJ Lance Rock. Crazy guy. *potato* crazy. He was nuts. He was a huge pervert. Supported sex slavery, thought rape was great, all of that *potato*. He was *potato* smart, too.   
So one day, he starts playing with all these action figures. He does drugs, too, did I mention? Yeah, well, he’s high all the *potato* time. Always high. Hallucinogens, I don’t *potato* know.   
He would play with the action figures, and he'd get these hallucinations that they were alive.   
So one day, he decides that he should get actual action figures. *potato* toys, if you will. He goes and buys all this land somewhere, and he buys some crazy *potato* suits, and he kidnaps me and puts me in one. Suddenly, I'm his new toy. His *potato* toy. And the suit? Never came off. Not once. Not ever. Not *potato* once, Tyler and Joshy-Woshy.   
And my name? Nope. I used to be Mikey. I had a band, too. My Chemical-”

Josh stood up and pointed at Tinky-Winky. “Oh my God!” he screamed, “Oh my *potato* God! Tyler, you heard that, right?”

Tyler nodded eagerly. “Dude,” he said, “we love My Chemical Romance. That’s so cool, man. Oh, God, you're actually him?”

Tinky-Winky sighed. “Yeah,” he said, “and Dipsy here, that’s Ray.”

Josh turned to look at Dipsy and made a squeaking sound in the back of his throat. “Ray,” he wheezed, “Ray Toro, oh God, Tyler, can you believe this, oh my God-“

“Ray! It’s literally Ray Toro, I’m gonna cry-”

“What about Gerard and Frank? Oh, God, are they okay? I-“

Tinky Winky cut him off. “Chill, dude,” he said, “you just saw them. Po? Not a girl. That’s Gerard. And Laa-Laa isn't a girl, either. Frank.   
Anyway, if you've had your moment of fangirling, you'll kindly remember that you're in terrible danger. So, as I was saying, the suit never came off.   
Every morning, I'd perform that same little routine. Every night, he'd come in and perform his own little routine for me. A routine that involved me giving him hand-jobs until he passed out.   
I’d get food, of course. Tubby toast. I don’t *potato* know what’s in that *potato*. It’s nasty, but it’s food.   
Anyway, it was okay. I mostly worried about Gerard. I figured he’d come looking for me, right? Well, I was correct. After a while- I lost track of the dates- someone knocks on the door- *potato* knocks, for *potato* sake- and DJ goes to answer the door, and the next morning, there are two Teletubbies. And DJ realized that with two toys, he could have even more ‘fun.’ So he had me and Gerard, dressed up in our little suits- seriously, these things won’t come off- and making out with each other. He’d jerk himself off while we did it.   
After a while, Frank came, and finally, Ray.   
I told you he was smart, right? Yeah, well, he started filming our morning routine and editing the footage, and he produced it to make a *potato* children’s show. For *potato* sake. A children’s show. So anyway, after a while, people wanted to know more about DJ, the famous director, but he couldn’t risk getting caught.   
He cancelled the show, and to this day, we've all been going through the motions- dancing in the morning, planning during the day, pretending to have sex for DJ at night-, trying to figure out where the *potato* we are and how to escape, but it hasn’t worked yet. Someday, though, some *potato* day, we’ll find a way out. And DJ will *potato* pay for what he’s done.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly this thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder

“Wow,” Josh whispered, “that’s awful, Tinky-Winky.”

Tinky-Winky remained motionless for a moment before snapping his head up. “Oh!” he said, “Yeah, that’s my name. Yeah. I forget about that sometimes, you know?”

There was a moment of silence after that, which was broken by Dipsy leaning forward from where he was sitting. “So, you guys are in a band?” 

Tyler nodded. “Twenty one pilots,” he said.

“What genre?”

Tyler froze. He turned to Josh, who shrugged. 

“You guys do know what genres are, right?”

“Well, yeah, we know what they are…”

“So, what’s your genre?

“Well, we don't really have one? I mean, like, iTunes, they classify us as alternative- blanket term, I guess, but- yeah, we do everything except country, basically. We make it work."

Dipsy nodded. “Nice,” he said. “Our band- MCR, I mean- we were pretty good, too, I think. Then, Mikey- Tinky Winky- disappeared, so we ‘split up’ and found a guy who looked exactly like Mikey to replace him in the real world. We couldn't stay together; the fans would end up figuring out that Mikey had gone missing. I mean, we were all doing the best we could to look for him. We couldn't find an exact location, though. So Mikey was gone, and we were working with all the secret agencies and stuff. We found an area where he could be, and Gerard, of course, runs off to find his little brother. He didn’t come back. A fake Gerard was quickly found, but it was even harder to find them, because it was just Frank and me, and we were now looking for two people. Frank was in hysterics. So what does he do? He goes to find Gerard and gets himself stuck here. And after they told me about that, I looked at the guy leading the search, and I said, ‘Sir, I don't know what you're doing, but I don't think it’s working. I need to know that my boys are safe, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find them.’ So, I went and got kidnapped, and I'm pretty sure there’s a fake Ray out there, now, but I don't really care. I think if we ever get out, we'll probably have a really good album to make based on all of this.”

“Yeah,” Tyler said. 

“So, what’s one of your songs? Could I hear it?”

Josh nudged Tyler. “Ode To Sleep,” he whispered. Tyler’s nodded.

Josh got on his knees and started pounding his hands on the metal floor. It wasn’t his drumset, but it would work. 

They performed the song, and once they’d finished, Mikey and Ray requested another song. And after that, another. And another. And another.

Just as Tyler and Josh finished playing all through Vessel, Po and Laa-Laa re-entered the room. 

“Gerard, these guys are really good!”

Gerard scratched the back of his head and looked skeptically at Mikey. “Yeah?” he asked, “Well, let’s see how good they are in bed. Maybe we’ll get extra toast or some *potato*.”

Mikey turned to Tyler and Josh. “I forgot to mention,” he said, “the whole deal with the Tubby Toast. We get it at night. You have to, um… well, perform for it, I guess. Fake-sex in front of him, remember? Yeah. I mean, he usually gives you one or two pieces, but if you do it really well, he'll sometimes give you three.”

Josh looked down at his feet. He really didn't feel comfortable about the situation- but then again, he was sure that no one liked it. 

Ray patted Josh on the back. “Try not to think about it that much while you do it,” he said, “It’s not that bad once you get used to it. And we’re in the suits, so nobody’s going to actually get naked. Except for him, I mean-”

Ray was interrupted by DJ’s voice from outside. “Teletubbies, come to play!” he screamed. 

“Come on,” Ray said, helping Josh and Tyler up. “It’s show time.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh and tyler perform 'the nightly routine' for the first time, and though josh doesn't like it, he does it anyway. he does it really well, too.

Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, and Laa-Laa went up the ladder first. It seemed like that was the order they always used. 

Before following them, Dipsy turned to Tyler and Joshy-Woshy. “The most important thing you need to remember is to never call anyone anything except their Teletubby name. Get in a habit, okay? Call each other Tyler and Joshy-Woshy. Josh? Forget it. You're Joshy-Woshy. I mean, you can use Joshy when we're down here, but to be safe, don't ever just say Josh. I'm guessing Dipsy and Tinky-Winky told you our names, but I want you to forget them. I’m Po. Not Gerard, not Gee, not Party Poison. Po. Good luck.”

Po climbed the ladder, and Tyler followed. Josh took a deep breath and climbed up after Tyler. He could do this. He was capable of doing this. It was okay. He could do it. 

DJ and the others were waiting at the top. DJ clapped his hands and giggled- yes, giggled- before saying, “Well, we've got new friends today, and I've bought something special. This will be fun. Hmmm. Tinky-Winky and Dipsy, you've been behaving pretty well lately, so I think I'll let you two do what you did last night. And Po… hmm… well, you didn't do very well at all this week, so I'm putting you on handcuffs. Laa-Laa? You get the whip today. And Tyler can… no, Po, you're off handcuffs. Tyler’s on handcuff duty tonight. You’ll like that, Tyler. I’m nice to my new friends. Po, you can do that thing you like so much; you can do it with Tyler, our new friend. And Joshy-Woshy! Oh, Joshy-Woshy, I've got a nice little toy for you.”

Josh stared at DJ, staying next to Tyler, as DJ pulled out something from behind his back. It was… oh, God. It was a vibrator on an elastic strap. Josh stiffened as DJ continued.

“I think you might like to *potato* me tonight, Joshy-Woshy. That'll be fun for you, my little friend.”

DJ stopped talking and stared at them all expectantly. Suddenly, Tinky-Winky lept on top of Dipsy and pinned him to the ground. Josh stared in horror as Dipsy began humping Tinky-Winky. He looked up at Tyler, but before Tyler could meet his eyes, Po had pulled his legs out from underneath him, dragged him to a tree, and handcuffed him to it. He was… it was all Josh could to do not scream in protest as Po began palming Tyler whilst stripping on the tree at the same time. It was horrifying, but Josh knew he couldn’t help Tyler right now. Laa-Laa had taken the vibrator from DJ and was now strapping it onto Joshy-Woshy. 

“I hate this as much as you do,” Laa-Laa muttered in Joshy-Woshy’s ear, “Just try not to stop, ‘cause if you do, he makes me whip you.”

Joshy-Woshy nodded and shuffled over to DJ. He understood what DJ wanted him to do. He closed his eyes and put out his hands, knocking DJ to the ground. 

“Get- um, get on your hands and knees,” Joshy-Woshy said, trying to sound intimidating while making his voice as high as he could. Joshy-Woshy climbed on top of him, like DJ was a horse. He shuddered and pulled DJ’s pants and underwear off before readjusting the vibrator so it was just outside DJ’s anus, even though Josh was on DJ’s back. He began shifting back and forth, causing the vibrator to go in and out and producing groans from DJ. “Faster,” DJ shouted, “you’re going too slowly! Faster!” Joshy-Woshy sped up a bit, but he didn’t speed up quickly enough. There was a loud crack as Frank’s whip came down on Josh’s back. 

Joshy-Woshy was about to scream, expecting pain, but then, he realized that his skin was squishy enough to fully protect him. 

Laa-Laa leaned down. “Scream,” he said, “he wants you to scream.”

Joshy-Woshy nodded, beginning moving back and forth even more quickly, and screamed. DJ screamed, too. Joshy-Woshy closed his eyes and tried to follow Laa-Laa’s advice by not thinking about it. It was like… like he was just at home, and… um, and… he’d spilt milk on his chair, so he was using his… butt… to wipe it up… back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…  
After what seemed like forever, DJ screamed, and cum exploded out of his penis, spraying DJ’s jumpsuit with cum. Laa-Laa pulled Joshy-Woshy up and dropped the whip at DJ’s feet. Joshy-Woshy stepped out of the vibrator and set it next to the whip. Tyler walked slowly over, bending down to add the hand-cuffs to the pile. Once everyone had come back, they all lined up in a row in front of DJ. 

DJ reached into a bag next to him and began piling individually-wrapped pieces of Tubby Toast into a paper bag. “Twenty,” he said. “Sleep tightly, my friends.”

They went back down the ladder, Tinky-Winky with the bag first, Dipsy second, Laa-Laa third, Po fourth, Tyler fifth, and Joshy-Woshy sixth. Once they all reached the room they’d been in before, Tyler ran to Joshy-Woshy and hugged him.

“Joshy,” he whispered, “you did great. We’re okay. And- and- Joshy, Po told me they usually only get like, eight pieces, but today, we got twenty, Joshy, twenty, and I don't know what you did, but you must have done it really well, Joshy. We’re okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kind of need a random person for one of the next chapters. like, DJ Lance Rock was random, but not random enough, you know? if anyone knows someone like that, please leave a comment letting me know. thanks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so now they're planning??? and stuff??? 
> 
> to be completely honest this whole thing just keeps spiraling deeper and deeper into insanity

It had been a while- Joshy had lost track of time- since that first day. Many days had passed like the first. Joshy must have left a good impression on DJ the first night, because every night after, Joshy had held that same role. Tyler, Laa-Laa, and Po fluctuated between roles, depending on DJ’s mood that particular night. Joshy still hated it, but he was glad that Tyler didn’t have to do it. At night, they’d all eat their bits of Teletubby toast through holes in the suits that led to their mouths. They’d then put the extras in the surplus pile, plan their escape some more, and go to bed. Joshy and 

Tyler had volunteered to share a room. It was easier to sleep that way. Joshy could probably fall asleep anywhere, as long as Tyler was beside him.

Today, Joshy was counting up their surplus.

“Thirty-five pieces,” he said when he finished.

“Cool,” Dipsy said. He stood up. “Well, we need to escape. To escape, we’ll have to do some stuff. We need to learn more about this area. I think a map would be a nice starting goal. After that, we’ll need to study the map. We know there’s a door, because Ger- sorry, Po- knocked on it. As for the rest of us, we were drugged somewhere else, so we don’t know how this place looks from the outside. It’s a weird sort of drug that DJ must have a lot of, because he used the same one on all of us. I’m pretty sure it was a hallucinogen, because we all agreed that DJ appeared to be a black screen when he kidnapped us. The black screen doesn’t matter, because any hallucinogen could have done that. What were the other side effects of the drug, again?”

“Joshy and I started feeling really panicked,” Tyler said. 

Laa-Laa nodded. “Yeah, I felt pretty anxious all of a sudden.”

“Okay, well… Po, Tinky-Winky… you two, um, know about the, uh… since you… well…”

Po stared at the ground. Tinky-Winky nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he said, “I think… if it was a hallucinogen… and it would’ve had to have been like, swallow-able, because I’m pretty sure he had vaporized it, and we inhaled it. I mean, most of them make you feel really, like, relaxed, but if we’re talking, like, anxiety right away, that could probably be Ketamine, LSD, DMT, or Psylocybin. Um, something like that.”

Dipsy nodded encouragingly. “Good, that’s good. We’re getting somewhere. This is good. It took us- what year was it when you were taken, Tyler and Joshy?”

“2015,” Joshy said.

“Really? Woah. Okay, then, so it’s been two years since this mess started, and we’re finally making some progress. Good. Okay. So, we’ve narrowed it down to four drugs, right?”

“Right,” chorused everyone else. 

“Okay. So, what other side effects?”

“I felt kind of dazed, I guess,” Laa-Laa said. Tyler and Joshy nodded in agreement.

Tinky-Winky scratched his nose and said, “No, um, not DMT, then. Um. Well, Po, what did you feel like?”

Po looked up. “I recognized it,” he whispered. “I’d had it before.”

“Really? Dude, that could help! Did you recognize any of the names I mentioned?” Tinky-Winky asked.

“I… does, um, does… I… um…”

“Hey, it’s okay, man. You don’t have to say it out loud.” Tinky-Winky leaned over to Po, and thy began whispering about it. After a minute or two, he turned to the others. 

“Ketamine,” he said triumphantly.

Dipsy nodded. “Cool,” he said, “so, we’ll need to know where his stash is. Then, we’ll have the map. DJ never comes down here, so we’ll use this room, I think. Po, you’re pretty  
good at art. Maybe you could use, like, toast crumbs to make a map on the floor.”

Po looked up and nodded eagerly. “Yeah,” he said, “I can totally do that!”

“Good. Joshy, DJ trusts you the most, and you’ve got a lot of power with him. Maybe try to slip some stuff in sometime, you know? Take advantage of your dominance. Like, ask him if you can go somewhere else. And when we do the running in the routine, we’ll go farther than usual, okay?”

Everyone nodded. 

Dipsy stood up. “Well,” he said, “I think we should all go get some sleep.”

Everyone left to go to their bedrooms. As Joshy slid into his bed, he looked at Tyler. "Do you think we'll ever make it out?" he asked. 

"We will. We're okay."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshy-Woshy could hardly believe his luck. This had worked a lot better than he’d expected. It was working so well. All the odds were in his favor. It would be a shame if something were to… happen… like if there was a person writing this who was trying to foreshadow that something bad was definitely going to happen soon… something very bad…

The next morning, they went along with the plan, going a little farther during their speed-walking to look for a sort of wall or other building. They didn’t see any. 

Just as they were about to climb down the ladder, DJ walked over to Joshy-Woshy and grabbed his arm.

“Hey, Joshy-Woshy, my friend, do you want to stay up here today?”

Joshy-Woshy froze and looked at Tyler. Tyler looked back at Josh and nodded slightly. Joshy-Woshy looked at DJ and said, “Sure, DJ.” 

“Great!” DJ led Josh away from the hole and to the right. They walked for a while in silence before a house came in to view. DJ went inside, and Josh followed.

“This is where I live,” DJ said. “Come on, there’s something I have to show you. Today’s delivery day.”

Joshy-Woshy blinked. Delivery day? What was being delivered? Was it DJ’s supply of Ketamine?

DJ walked to the other side of the house, beckoning Joshy-Woshy to follow him. Joshy-Woshy looked around the house for clues as he walked. He saw nothing.

When he reached the door, DJ opened it and smiled. There was a man who looked around sixty years old dressed in a blue shirt and black pants on the opposite side. 

“Yummy, yummy!” he said, holding a paper bag out to DJ. 

“Thanks, friend! What’s your name?”

“Murray Cook! I’m from the Wiggles, mate!”

DJ nodded and beckoned Murray inside. “Come here,” he said, “I’d like to show you something. Come on, Joshy-Woshy. This is my friend, Murray, his name is Joshy-Woshy. Joshy-Woshy, this is Murray.”

DJ hummed a bit as he walked down the hallway to a room labeled “DJ’s Friends.” 

“Open the door,” DJ said excitedly. Murray smiled and opened it. His smile faded when he saw what was inside.

DJ pushed Murray into the room, and Joshy-Woshy followed. Joshy-Woshy froze. The room was littered with rotting corpses- but they weren’t normal corpses. These were corpses of… oh, God…

Joshy backed up to the wall and stared around him. There were the three other Wiggles- what were their names? Jeff, Anthony, and Greg, right? They were all in a pile right in front of Murray. Murray turned his head and gave Joshy-Woshy a pleading look.

“Help me,” he whispered quietly, “plea-”

Murray never finished his sentence. 

DJ smiled at Joshy-Woshy and placed his gun back in the corner of the room before grabbing Joshy’s hand, pulling him away, and closing the door.

“You killed him,” Joshy whispered.

“I had to, Joshy-Woshy. It’s the circle of life.”

“DJ, you… do you kill every single delivery man?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Oh, nothing… just…” Joshy-Woshy paused. “I, um, need to pee.”

DJ laughed. “No, you don’t. Silly Joshy-woshy. You haven’t peed once since you got here! Tubby Toast is specially made so you don’t have any waste left over from it! That was a funny joke, Joshy-Woshy. Ha-ha.”

Joshy nodded and gulped. He needed to get away and think. “I, um, I’m hungry. I think I’ll go back and have some of that Tubby Toast.”

DJ frowned. “Don’t you want to stay here?”

Joshy-Woshy sighed and nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “of course I do, DJ. What’s in the bag?”

DJ’s face lit up. “It’s my happy juice!” he said, “It’s called Keta-something, and it’s really good. You had some when you first came here, remember? I’d offer you some more, but I don’t have any extra. Oh, well.”

Joshy-Woshy laughed nervously. “Haha, yeah,” he said. He swallowed. He needed to get more information. It was definitely Ketamine, and it had been delivered by a bunch of people, along with all four of The Wiggles. 

“So,” Joshy-Woshy said, “how long have you been living in, um…” he trailed off, hoping DJ would fill in where he lived.

“Oh, here? I’ve been living here for a while now; I don’t quite remember how long. Have you ever seen it? I’ll show you around! Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Joshy-Woshy could hardly believe his luck. This had worked a lot better than he’d expected. It was working so well. All the odds were in his favor. It would be a shame if something were to… happen… like if there was a person writing this who was trying to foreshadow that something bad was definitely going to happen in the next chapter… something very bad…

“Really? Oh, I’d love that!” Joshy-Woshy told DJ. 

“Great! I’ll show you the speakers first!” DJ said, pushing open a door that led to a room with a microphone in it. “This is what I speak into when I want the speakers to say something. You can hear it all the way down where you and my other friends live. Do you want to try it?”

DJ flicked the “on” switch next to the microphone. Joshy-Woshy leaned over to the microphone. What should he say? He had to be careful. “Uh, hi,” he said, “it’s me, Joshy-Woshy. Hi. I’m, uh, doing okay. How are you?”

“Silly Joshy-Woshy! They can’t reply!”

“Oh. Um, is it still on?”

“Yes.”

Joshy-Woshy thought for a moment. IF he could keep DJ inside, he could tell Tyler to come up with everyone and look around to make the map. He wanted to tell them what was going on, but he didn’t know how…

Suddenly, Joshy-Woshy remembered the secret code he’d made up with Tyler. In the code, whoever was using it would start by saying something along the lines of, “Hey, I thought of some stuff we could include in our next music video.” Whoever it was would then say a word starting with each letter of the phrase they wanted to say, with an ellipses or a pause separating the words. They’d end it with, “You know, stuff like that.” Like, if Joshy-Woshy was at a business meeting with Tyler, and he really wanted to leave, he could write, “Cantelope, apples, nectarines. . . watermelon, eggplant. . . grapes, orange,” on a piece of paper and slide it to Tyler, saying, “I was thinking we could like, put some of these fruits and vegetables in our new music video, maybe.” 

Joshy leaned into the microphone. “Tyler, you know what would make, like, a great music video?” He paused to clear his throat. “Deer, juice… apples, nuts, dogs... ice... ants, razors, eggs... igloos, nuns... horses, icebergs, soup... hens, otters, underwear, sand, elephants... carrots, ostriches, mirrors, ectoplasm... udders, peas... antelopes, nuggets, dinners… mold, androids, kissing, elders… mutts, addition, pears… you know, stuff like that.”

If Tyler had gotten the message, then Joshy-Woshy would need to keep DJ for a while.

“Hey, DJ, maybe we should look around the house.”

DJ looked at him and smiled, pushing the button off. “I had an idea just now, actually. Would you like to take off your suit? For a little while, I mean.”

Joshy-Woshy blinked. Had he heard DJ correctly? “Okay,” he said, cautiously. DJ giggled and said, “Close your eyes. I don’t want you to see how to do it.” 

Joshy-Woshy coughed and said, “But, um, but,” he put on his most seductive and intimidating voice, “what if I don’t want to close my eyes?”

DJ’s eyes widened. “Yeah,” he breathed. He reached up to the square on top of Joshy-Woshy’s head and twisted it until there was a clicking noise. The suit cracked in half vertically, and it fell off. 

Joshy-Woshy’s breath caught in his throat. There were his hands. There were his legs. His feet. There was his real self. He was fine. There he was. There was his chest, there was his bellybutton, there was his… oh. There was his penis. 

DJ giggled and narrowed his eyes at Joshy-Woshy. “Play with me, Joshy-Woshy,” he said. 

Joshy-woshy swallowed. “Oh,” he said, “well, see, I don’t think-”

DJ smiled. “Tyler’s your friend, isn’t he? You like him more than me. I can’t have that, Joshy-Woshy. I thought I was your favorite. Maybe I’ll just have to get rid of Tyler, then.”

Joshy-Woshy shook his head frantically. “No, no, DJ, I- you’re my favorite. 100 percent.”

DJ giggled and put his face millimeters from Joshy-Woshy’s. 

“Prove it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha  
> ha  
> ha ha ha
> 
> also thanks to geealicious for suggesting The Wiggles


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shout out to @spoopyjimsh on instagram  
> i don't think you realize how hilarious my life just became bc of that account  
> they don't know i'm writing this  
> i'm following them  
> and they just posted a screenshot of the fic  
> and said "so read the description BUT THEN READ "PERVERSION" RAPE" "MURDER" "PSYCHOPATHOLOGY"  
> i'm crying this is so funny my life now has a purpose  
> literally like thx for the promo @spoopyjimsh

Josh gulped. He didn’t want to do this, but he also didn’t want Tyler to get hurt. Plus, if Tyler had gotten his message, then the others would be roaming around outside right now, and if he refused, DJ might go outside and find them.

“Can I, um, tell all your other friends that I’m, um… oh, yeah, can I tell them that you’re my favorite? So Tyler knows?” Josh said, hoping to sound convincing.

“Oh, that’s a great idea!”

DJ ran into the room with the microphone and flicked the on switch. “Go,” he said.

“Uh, hey, guys,” Josh said, “Tyler, I just wanted to say that DJ is definitely my favorite, and I love him a lot more than you, and that’s why I’m about to have sex with him. I love DJ. He’s my favorite friend ever. Also, wouldn’t it be great if there was a music video with, like… nuts, octopi… Indians… donuts, oranges… nipples, ostriches, tomatoes… hashbrowns, underpants, rice, rope, yams… unicorns, potatoes… you know, stuff like that.”

DJ laughed and pulled Joshy-Woshy away. “Let’s keep the microphones on,” he said. 

Joshy-Woshy shook his head. “DJ,” he whispered, “please, no-“

DJ pinned him to the ground. “Role switch!” he screamed. 

Joshy-Woshy gasped. This couldn’t be good.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okayyy so forgive me if this isn't as good as the other chapters but someone has brought it to my attention that writing about rape in a non-serious fic isn't a joke or funny or a totally cool idea. 
> 
> I sincerely apologize for making this fic go in that direction. I didn't mean to treat rape as a joke. Sexual harassment is terrible, and I hope it never happens to any of you guys. If you think you don't want to have sex, or you're not sure, or you're partner isn't sure, please stop what you're doing immediately. 
> 
> Stay safe, guys. Again, I apologize.

DJ snarled at Joshy-Woshy and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. He handcuffed Joshy-Woshy to a table and pulled off his pants. 

Just as DJ was about to put his penis in Joshy-Woshy’s anus, someone burst into the room. Joshy-Woshy looked up. It was Tyler. “Oh, God,” Joshy-Woshy whispered, “help me, Tyler!”

DJ looked furious. “You said you loved me!” he shouted as he punched Joshy-Woshy in the stomach. “You said I was number one!”

“No, you are, I-“

DJ turned around to Tyler and pinned him to the ground. “I’m number one,” he growled. He then proceeded to throw punch after punch at Tyler. 

“Stop!” Joshy-Woshy screamed, “Please, stop!” He struggled against his handcuffs, but it was no use. DJ was relentless. 

“Stop!” Joshy-Woshy shouted, his voice growing hoarse, “Stop! Please don't hurt him!"

Suddenly, Po burst in. He tackled DJ, pulled out the gun that had been in the room with the Wiggles, and shot DJ in the head.

DJ went limp.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ding, dong, the witch is dead!
> 
> idk

Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, and Laa-Laa burst into the room. 

It was quite chaotic. Everyone was in a Teletubby suit, except for Joshy-Woshy and DJ. Tyler was laying on the ground, but the suit made it look like he was still smiling. DJ was sprawled on top of Tyler, a puddle of blood leaking from his motionless head. Josh was naked and handcuffed to a table. Po was holding a gun.

Tinky-Winky stepped into the center of the room and cleared his throat. 

“Um, okay, so… so we got the map, but, um… well. Joshy-Woshy, how about you tell us how you got out of that suit?”

Joshy-Woshy stared at Tinky-Winky.

“Joshy?”

Laa-Laa walked over to Joshy. “Joshy, are you okay? Did he get inside?”

Joshy-Woshy shook his head.

“Good, good. It’s okay, Joshy. Do you wanna tell us how you got out of the suit?”

Joshy swallowed. “Twist the shape at the top,” he whispered.

Everyone slowly reached up to twist the shapes, and soon, there were five naked men standing in the room. 

“What about Tyler?” Joshy-Woshy whispered.

Dipsy sighed. “Right, Joshy- wait, no. Josh. DJ’s dead now, guys. We can use our regular names.”

Tinky-Winky- no, Mikey, Josh could call him Mikey now- nodded. “Well,” he said, “let’s, um, get DJ… out of, um… the way…”

Mikey crouched on the ground and closed his eyes as he pushed DJ off of Tyler. He grasped the shape on top of Tyler’s suit and twisted it. It promptly cracked open, unveiling an unconscious- but otherwise unharmed, thank God for the extra padding in the suit- Tyler Joseph.

Josh looked at Tyler for a moment. He looked around him. This was the strangest situation he’d ever been in. My Chemical Romance was standing in front of him, naked, and Tyler wasn’t even awake to see it. Just Tyler’s luck.

Mikey stood up. “I’m gonna go look and see if our clothes are anywhere,” he said.

“I’ll go with,” Gerard said. They left the room silently.

Josh looked up at Ray and Frank. “Help,” he whispered, gesturing to his handcuffs.

Ray walked over to the table and looked around. After a while, he pulled a key off of the table and unlocked the handcuffs. Josh sprang up and crawled over to Tyler. 

“Tyler?” he whispered, “You okay?”

Tyler’s eyes fluttered open.

“Josh,” he whispered, “you’re crying. Are you okay?”

Josh suddenly became aware of the many tears streaming down his face. He wiped them away as best as he could, and then, he smiled. 

“Yeah. We’re okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha  
> ha  
> so???  
> i feel like i should put Paula Deen in the next chapter???  
> thoughts???  
> also how would you guys feel if Paula Deen was suddenly a cannibal who only ate people if they were already dead???


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paula deen is a maniac
> 
> fun ghoul is now boring ghoul
> 
> food network chefs are all over the place

Josh helped Tyler up and wrapped him in a hug. Tyler laughed.

“Josh, we’re naked. Now’s not the best time for hugging.”

Josh shrugged. “It’s not the first time we’ve hugged while not wearing any clothes.”

“True,” Tyler said. He pulled away just as Gerard and Mikey returned, carrying a large bin.

“Found them,” Gerard said.

After everyone had put their clothes back on, they began to realize that their struggles weren’t over yet. They still needed to figure out where they were. 

“What about the map?” Josh asked.

“Oh,” Gerard said, “I wrote it down while Mikey was looking for the clothes. Here.”

He handed over a piece of paper to Josh. According to the map, they were on the very edge of the area. Everywhere else was surrounded by a very tall wall, which was covered with a projection screen (that must have been how the giggling sun had gotten there). The only way out was through the door, so they’d have to go out that way. 

“Well,” Josh said, “we’ll need supplies, right? I mean, anything could be out there.”

Mikey nodded. “Maybe we’ll stay here for a while, so we can sort this all out,” he said.

Frank yawned. “Well, I’m gonna go look for a guest room, I think. Gerard, are you coming?”

Gerard nodded. “Be there in a minute,” he said.

Josh coughed. “So, um, are you and Frank, well…”

“Maybe.”

Josh nodded. “Cool, I guess.”

“Are you and Tyler?”

“Huh? Oh, um… well…”

Josh looked at Tyler. “Are we?”

Tyler shrugged. “I could dig it,” he said.

“So, we are?”

“Yeah, if you want.”

Josh looked back at Gerard and nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “we are.”

Gerard laughed. “Good for you, man,” he said before leaving.

Josh heard Franks voice down the hall. “Gerard, I think I’ve found a guest room! It’s got a sign on it that says “DJ’s Friends”! I’m gonna check.”

Josh jumped up. “Frank, no-”

Josh was interrupted by a very loud scream. “Holy *potato*, are those The Wiggles? Oh, my God! *potato! *potato* *potato*!”

Gerard’s voice was next. “Sick. We should write a song about this, Frank. Hmm. The Wiggles are dead, and the Teletubbies were just us the whole time, and that man from Yo Gabba Gabba is a pervert, and- I don’t know anything that rhymes with that, Frankie. Maybe we shouldn’t write a song about this. Pretty sick, though. Metal.”

“Can we just go find another room, please?”

“Why, you don’t want the dead Wiggles watching you sleep?”

“Gerard, please-“

“Hands in the air, rock-a-bye your Frankie! Frankie’s now asleep! Shh, shh, shh! Frankie’s now asleep! Shh, shh, shh!”

“Gerard, that was awful. I’m going to be sick; can we please go somewhere else?”

“Fine. You’re not a very fun ghoul anymore, Frankie.”

“Gerard, come on!”

“You’re Boring Ghoul now. I’m going to change all the Danger Days stuff. Boring Ghoul.”

Josh looked at Mikey as Gerard and Frank’s voices died down. “Are they always like that?”

“On a good day, yes.”

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Josh went to go answer it.

“Josh!” Tyler said, “Be careful! It could be a psychopath!”

“It’s not a psychopath.”

Josh opened the door to see Paula Deen. He turned around to look at Tyler.

“On second thought, maybe it is a psychopath.”

Paula Deen smiled and stepped inside. “Hi, boys,” she said, “I’m sorry to bother y’all, but I smelled fresh meat, and y’all know mama can’t pass up fresh meat!” She laughed.

“Huh?”

“Fresh meat! Did one o’ y’all die? Yeah, one o’ y’all died, I can see him right there, the little sunshine buttercup. Are you gonna have him, or is he up for grabs?”

Josh blinked. This was really weird. “You can, um, have him,” Josh said, “but would you mind staying here a while?”

Paula nodded. “Course I will, sugar. Hey, has anyone ever told y’all how to deep fry humans? It’s not hard, sugar. They’re just like chickens.”

Paula grabbed DJ and hauled him into the kitchen. “Y’all wanna have a tutorial? I have a cooking show, so I don’t mind it. Here, see, look. First, y’all gotta get your human. This one here’s not too big, but that’s okay. So, usually, we want to skin him first, but sometimes, you kind of need that extra crunch-"

Mikey cleared his throat. “Paula,” he said, “I’m sure you’re great at cooking and all, but could you please, um, not give us the tutorial?”

“Why not? Y’all wanna eat some with me, right?”

“Um… well… the thing is, we’re all, um… vegetarians! We’re vegetarians, Paula, sorry.” 

“Oh, that’s fine, sugar. More for me!”

Josh looked at the floor. “Paula,” he said, “what day is it?”

“August 5, 2015.”

“Woah,” Josh said. He and Tyler had been taken on May 15, 2015. It had been five months since they’d left. There was a brief moment of silence, which was broken by Paula.

“Yes! He’s got a deep frier!”

“Ms. Deen, I was wondering, um, where are we?” Ray asked.

“Oh, it’s a little forest in Santa Barbara, California.”

“Santa Barbara?” Ray turned to Mikey. “That’s where we thought! That’s where Gerard went!” Ray turned back to Paula. “Parma Park, right? That’s where we thought it would be!”

“No, honey, we’re in Skofield Park.”

“Oh.”

Josh was still staring at the ground. He heard Paula cry, “Oh! It’s done!” and then what sounded like oil splashing. He cautiously looked up to see Paula nonchalantly eating DJ’s deep-fried arm, blood running down from her mouth. She cocked her head.

“Y’all think there’s butter in here somewhere?” She rummaged in the refrigerator for a while before producing a tub of margarine. “This’ll do,” she said. 

Josh looked back down at the floor. This was the grossest thing he’d ever seen. He was never watching Food Network again. 

Tyler went over to a bookshelf in the living room. He pulled out a book and leafed through it a bit before saying, “Found it.”

“Found what?” Ray asked. 

“Skofield Park. It’s like, 30-something acres, I think, so if we just walk in one direction for a while, we should reach the edge of the forest and get into the city. It’s a small park, so it would only take up to, like, a half hour at most.”

Josh looked up. “Really?”

“Yep.”

“Well, that’s great, then! What time is it?”

“I don’t know. It’s dark out, so probably-“

Paula set the leg- she’d already finished both arms- that she was eating on the countertop and pulled out a phone. “It’s eleven o’clock,” she said through a mouthful of flesh.

“Well,” Tyler said, “maybe we should get some sleep and leave in the morning, when there’s light outside.”

Mikey snorted. “No way,” he said. “I’ve been stuck here for two and a half years, Tyler. I’m leaving. Now.”

Ray nodded. “Usually, I’d agree with Tyler, but I really just want to leave.”

Tyler nodded. “Okay,” he said, “well, someone should wake up Frank and Gerard, and we’ll look for a flashlight-”

Mikey shook his head. “Wake them up,” he said, “and then, we leave. I want to leave. I can’t stand it any longer.” Mikey was shaking a bit. 

“Okay, Mikey, we’ll go wake up Frank and Gerard, and then, we’ll leave,” Josh said. He grabbed Tyler’s hand and pulled him out of the room, leaving Mikey and Ray alone with Paula, who was now onto DJ’s torso.

“Tyler,” Josh said as they walked, “I have a terrible feeling about this place. I just want to leave. Mikey? He’s been here for two and a half years. Tyler, we should go.”

Tyler nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “this place kind of does give me the creeps.”

They walked until they reached a door labeled, “DJ’s Room.” Josh opened it to find Frank and Gerard, sleeping naked on a bed.

“Did you guys actually just have sex?”

Gerard’s head snapped up. “Um,” he said, “maybe. What’s up?”

“We’re leaving,” Josh said. “Right now.”

Gerard nodded. “Okay,” he said. “Are Mikey and Ray ready?”

“Yeah, they’re in the kitchen with Paula Deen. She’s eating DJ.”

“Wait, so Paula Deen’s, like, a cannibal?”

Josh laughed. “Yeah,” he said, “I guess she just eats anything and everything, right?”

“So you’ve left my brother and Ray Toro in a room with a cannibal.”

“Yeah. Is that okay?”

“Dude, cannibals eat humans. Mikey and Ray are humans.”

Josh’s eyes widened. There was a scream from the kitchen. Then came Paula Deen’s voice:

“You look so cute that I could just eat you up! Hold still; I have to kill you first!”

“Chill, Paula!”

“No!”

Josh started running towards the kitchen with Gerard, Frank, and Tyler close behind. Once they got there, they saw Paula chasing Mikey with a knife whilst Ray stood on the countertop, screaming.

Suddenly, a man burst through the door. “Not again, Paula,” he muttered. He shot a tranquilizer dart at her, and she fell to the ground in a heap. 

Josh stared at the man. He had white, spiky hair, a mustache, and a goatee. He wore a shirt with flames all over it.

The man was none other than Guy Fieri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha  
> ha  
> ha
> 
> i'm enjoying this way too much
> 
> i feel like i should put billie joe armstrong in here


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guy fieri
> 
> yay

Guy sighed. “Sorry about that,” he said. He scratched the back of his head. “Were you guys going to leave?”

Josh nodded.

“And there’s no one who will be staying behind?”

Josh nodded again.

Guy breathed a sigh of relief, still only half-way through the door. “We’ll leave her here,” he said. “The door only opens from the outside. Come on, we have to go before she wakes up.”

Tyler, Josh, Gerard, Mikey, Frank, and Ray followed Guy out of the door. Mikey pushed past Guy and laughed. He looked behind him at Gerard. 

“It’s the actual sky,” Mikey exclaimed, “the actual sun, too! There are trees out here! Look at all the trees!” 

“Yes, there are a lot of trees,” Guy said, annoyed, “now, let’s go. We have to move quickly since it’s so dark out. I’ll help you get half-way out, but then, I’ll have to come back here and make sure that Paula didn’t escape somehow.”

Guy set off walking through the trees, and the others followed him. It was nice for a while. Everything was quiet, and the forest seemed to be standing completely still. 

All of a sudden, the trees moved. There was a loud, grunting noise, followed by some bushes rustling. 

Guy stopped and pulled out his tranquilizer gun. “Everyone shut up,” he whispered.

The rustling and grunting grew louder for a while, until suddenly, a figure emerged from the bushes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if billie joe armstrong were to be obsessed with a flavor of juice, what flavor of juice would it be?
> 
> just out of curiosity
> 
> don't ask why
> 
> i just need to know please
> 
> thank you


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks @ justafootsoldier for commenting about the grape juice
> 
> i really want grape juice right now

Josh gasped. It was Billie Joe Armstrong.

“Billie? Are you okay?” Gerard asked cautiously.

Billie said nothing. He continued panting and grunting. His hair was going in all different directions, and his face was drenched in sweat. His clothes were all torn.

“Billie?”

“INSPIRATION,” Billie screamed.

Gerard took a step closer to Billie. “Billie, I think you should sit down for a mome-”

“TREES ARE METAL AS *potato*.”

“Billie, chill out, man-“

“I WANT GRAPE JUICE. GRAPE JUICE IS METAL AS *potato*. DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE REALLY GOOD MUSHROOMS IN THIS FOREST? HEY, YOU’RE THOSE PILOT DUDES! DOWN IN THE FOREST, WE’LL SING A CHORUS, ONE THAT NOBODY KNOWS! YOU GUYS ARE METAL AS *potato*! FORESTS ARE HARD CORE! DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY GRAPE JUICE?”

“Billie, please-“

“DON’T WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT! DON’T WAN’T A NATION UNDER THE NEW-”

Suddenly, Billie fell to the ground. Josh looked behind him to see Guy putting his tranquilizer gun back in his pocket.

“I had to,” he said as he walked over and picked Billie up. He looked around for a moment before putting Billie on Ray’s back. “You’re a giant, so you can take him. I’ve gotta go.” With that, Guy left.

Ray sighed. “Two years ago, I would say that was the weirdest situation I’d ever been in, but as of today, I’ve definitely seen weirder.” He readjusted Billie on his back and kept walking.

They continued walking, and, thankfully, they didn’t run into anything else. 

Eventually, they reached the edge of the forest. The secret agencies they’d been working for were right in front of them.

“Oh, hi! Hey, we’re looking for six young men, aged-” the man who was speaking froze. “Oh,” he said.

“You’re a little late,” Mikey said, “but I think I speak for all of us when I say that we’re willing to forget about this whole incident if you are.”

The man shrugged. “Whatever,” he said, before walking back to the rest of his crew. 

Josh turned to Tyler. “We’re out,” he said excitedly. 

Tyler sighed. “We may be out of the forest, but we don’t have money, food, or any way of contacting anyone. Plus, it’s the middle of the night. I say we go look for a gas station.”

“Yeah,” Ray said. He then proceeded to lead them onto a road.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm really tired right now
> 
> i also really want juice
> 
> but i feel sick whenever i drink it
> 
> heeeelp
> 
> i'm gonna drink some anyway

“So,” Josh said, “does anyone know where a gas station or something is, or are we just going to wander around until we find one?”

Nobody said anything, so Josh assumed that meant they were going to do the latter.

They walked for about a half hour in a silence that wasn’t broken until they turned onto highway 192, and Billie woke up to start quietly singing Boulevard of Broken Dreams over and over again. 

Eventually, the sun began rising in the distance. Billie was still singing the song. Josh had lost count after the fifteenth time. 

Gerard stopped and turned to look at Billie. “Billie Joe,” he said, “I love you and your music, but, God, if you don’t quit right now, I will not hesitate to dump you in a ditch on the side of the road.”

Billie huffed and buried his face in Ray’s hair. There was so much of it. Josh had never seen anyone with as much hair as Ray Toro. Joe Trohman was a pretty close second, but Ray Toro’s hair definitely was the most abundant. 

They walked for a little while longer before they saw a church on their right. Josh looked at Mikey. Mikey looked at the church, then at Tyler. Tyler looked at Gerard. Ray sighed. 

“So, basically, everyone here has multiple tattoos, is dressed in all black, is hyped up on some crazy mushrooms, is homosexual, is bisexual, and/or is carrying someone who’s hyped up on crazy mushrooms. I’d love to assume that this is a church where they accept everyone, but I can’t tell for sure. Does anyone still want to go inside?”

Frank smiled smugly. “Chill, guys,” he said, “we’re good. I got this.” Frank led them up the steps to the church. 

Josh started to worry. He was Christian, as was Tyler, but he didn’t know about the other guys. He didn’t mind, of course. He didn’t really care what anyone believed. Tyler felt the same. However, he’d realized that at most of the churches he’d gone to, people constantly stared at his hair, his tattoos, and his piercings. It was rather uncomfortable. He didn’t want the others to go through the same feeling that he’d experienced so many times before.

Frank reached the door, smiled at them, and knocked. It was answered by a man clad in white robes and other things. “Hi, welcome to the house of God-”

He froze and stared at Frank. Frank smiled. “It’s okay,” he said. “I just want a map. I’m not a Satanist. See?”

Frank lifted up his ankle and proudly showed the man his macaroni tattoo. He smiled. “See, macaroni is made with water, and churches are into holy water, so it's religious,” he said. “Holy macaroni, right? I’m cool like that.”

“I’m sorry,” the man said, “but we’ve, uh, closed early today.”

Frank huffed. “Well,” he said, “then *potato* you.”

He walked away, and the others followed behind him. Josh glanced over his shoulder at the man, who was standing, frozen in shock. 

Ray walked over by Josh and the man. “Don’t take it personally,” Ray said. “Seriously, though, do you guys have a map or anything?”

“Uh, well-“

Billie lifted his head up. “Grape juice is metal. Churchy people drink grape juice a lot. Grape juice is great. I love grape juice. You wanna go get grape juice with me? Christians are so metal. They wear little murder weapons around their necks. I should do that. Maybe I’ll get a knife and wear it as a bracelet. That would be so metal.”

Ray cringed. “You know what?” he said, “I think we’re just gonna go. Sorry about that.”

The man said nothing. He closed the door, and Ray, Billie, Josh, Tyler, Gerard, Mikey, and Frank set out on the highway again.

"You had it, alright," Gerard said to Frank sarcastically. "You definitely had it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went to hot topic today and found doctor who underpants. my life is now complete.
> 
> if you were looking for a map, out of these places, where would you go?
> 
> -library  
> -fire station  
> -bank  
> -post office  
> -pharmacy  
> -gas station


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so they find a map.
> 
> yay.
> 
> it'll get exciting again in the next chapter. i promise.
> 
> thanks to Skitch for the post office thing.

Billie started singing again (this time, it was Homecoming, from Green Day’s American Idiot album). Josh saw Gerard stiffen up again, but Gerard didn’t say anything. Josh was okay with it. Billie had a nice voice. Not as good as Tyler’s, though. No one had a better voice than Tyler. 

Josh looked next to him, where Tyler was walking. He reached over and grabbed Tyler’s hand. Tyler looked down and smiled to himself. 

“You’re so adorable,” Josh whispered. 

Tyler was about to reply when, just as Billie was finishing the song, Mikey shouted, “Guys, look! Up ahead!”

Josh followed Mikey’s gaze and saw a cluster of shops and buildings. He turned to Tyler. “Race you there,” he said. Tyler narrowed his eyes and took off running, with Josh close behind him. The others followed. 

When they reached the cluster (Tyler got there first), the first store they passed was a hardware store. After that, they passed another church. Frank froze and abruptly turned left. Everyone followed him. Soon, they saw a post office. 

“I think this’ll work,” Tyler said. They all went up the steps and inside the building. 

Ray looked around. “Right,” he said, “I think I’ll handle this one.” Ray readjusted Billie and walked to the counter. A few minutes later, he came back, proudly holding a map. 

“Let’s go,” he said.

They all went outside. As soon as he stepped out, Josh froze. The entire area was surrounded by ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars. There were two men standing next to a police officer. Though Josh couldn't make out what they were saying, they appeared to be screaming at the officer. 

“Oh, no,” Josh said. This couldn’t be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can anybody guess who the two men are?
> 
> hahahahahahahhah
> 
> by the way, there really is a church an hour-ish walk away from Skofield park in Santa Barbara, and eight to nine minute walk away from that church, there really is a post office
> 
> this is what i do with my free time
> 
> also, there are only going to be like, two or three chapters after this
> 
> i'll probably post one a day, or something


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sigh*
> 
> i really don't know at this point
> 
> grape juice again
> 
> this whole story is basically teletubbies, murder, and juice
> 
> hhhhhhh

Josh motioned for the others to follow him, and he walked close enough to hear what the men were so upset about. They were alternating shouting at the police officer, who Josh recognized as the man who’d ran into them at the edge of Skofield Park.

“That’s not him!”

“Yeah, it’s really not! His skin is lighter than that, I swear to *potato* God! That’s not him!”

“Yeah, you have to keep looking! He’s out there somewhere, I know it! I *potato* know it!”

“What are we gonna tell the kids at the next concert? ‘Sorry, kiddos, but your idol was eaten alive’? Come on, he’s out there somewhere! You have to keep-“

The police officer held up a hand, silencing the men. “You said he disappeared when you got to Skofield Park. We searched the whole park, and all we found was that hand. We have no other records of anyone else entering that park, and as far as we know, your friend was the only guy in there. This is the best we’ve got. Take it or leave it.”

“Shut up, you *potato* piece of-“ the man paused and pointed to the other man, who was crying. “Look at that, look! You made him cry. You see that? You made Mike cry. Mike never *potato* cries. You’re a *potato* *potato*. Come on, Mike, it’s okay. We’ll find him ourselves if they won’t. This guy’s a *potato* idiot. It’ll be okay, Mike.” 

Josh gasped. Mike. How hadn’t he noticed before? This was Mike Dirnt and Tré Cool! They must have been looking for Billie, and if the officer had found a body in the park… 

“Guys,” Josh whispered, “that’s Mike and Tré, and I think they’re looking for Billie, and the body they found in the park must have been DJ, and the police officer is that same guy we saw outside the park.”

Billie lifted his head up. “Mike and Tré?”

They all ran down the steps to the post office to Mike and Tré. “Guys,” Gerard said to Mike and Tré, panting slightly, “chill out, we’ve got him. Chill.”

Mike whipped his head in Gerard’s direction. “What?” 

“We’ve got Billie; he’s fine.”

“Where the *potato* is he?”

Ray stepped forward and pointed at Billie, who was still on his back. He crouched down, and Billie slid off. He took a step towards Mike, but then, he fell over again. 

Mike and Tré knelt down next to him. “*potato*, Billie,” Tré said, “you ate the funny mushrooms again, didn’t you?”

The police officer coughed. “Is this the guy?” he asked, pointing to Billie. 

“Yeah,” Mike said. “Nice job looking for him, officer.” He snorted and put Billie on his back. Billie giggled. 

“Hi,” he whispered in Mike’s ear. 

Mike, Tré, and Billie proceeded to start talking about something that Josh couldn’t hear. The police officer looked at Mikey, Gerard, Josh, Tyler, Frank, and Ray. 

“You were in that park. Do you know whose body that hand was from, then?”

Gerard shifted uncomfortably. “Was it found in a house?”

“Yeah.”

“We may have had to kill him, and then, Paula Deen may have deep-fried him and eaten him.”

The police officer blinked. He was quiet for a moment, and then, he sighed. “Well,” he said slowly, “we all agreed to forget about that whole situation, right?”

“Wait, really? We’re not in trouble?”

The police officer looked around himself nervously. “This never happened, okay? He died of natural causes, and a bear was about to eat him. That guy over there saw the bear try to eat him, so he ran into the forest to save him. Then, he realized that the guy was already dead, so he left. He got lost, and you guys found him and brought him back here. When we searched the forest, all we found was that hand, because the bear ate the rest of that other guy.”

The police officer then addressed Tré, Mike, and Billie, who were having a very animated conversation on how metal trees were.

“Is there anything we can do to make up for this? Do you guys need anything? Otherwise, we’ll just clear everyone out of the area, and-”

“I want grape juice,” Billie said. 

The police officer blinked. “Well,” he said, “I meant… like, do you guys need directions anywhere or anything, or-”

“Get him a juice box,” Mike said. “Wait-” he paused to look behind him at Tré. He raised his eyebrows, and Tré nodded. “Make that three.”

The police officer sighed and pulled out his walkie-talkie. “We found the guy, but they want three juice boxes.”

“Grape juice,” Tré added. “They have to be grape.”

The police officer gave an even deeper sigh. “They have to be grape,” he said into his walkie-talkie.

“I really like grape juice,” Billie said happily into Mike’s ear. 

“I know,” Mike said.

“I really like you,” Billie said.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i'll make this a little longer than i'd planned
> 
> i might elaborate more on the grape juice obsession
> 
> also, smh because i couldn't figure out how to make the e with the accent mark for Tré, and every time i wanted to type his name, i had to type "cafe", spell-check it to "café," delete the "caf," and type "Tr," and i literally just now realized that i could've copied and pasted his name and saved a ton of time. 
> 
> honestly, i don't even know if his name has an accent mark over the e, so i think i'll just start referring to him as "Tr_ Cool"
> 
> smh @ Tr_ Cool because he's a confusing little muffin


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're on the bus
> 
> feat. even more grape juice

Once everyone from Green Day had received their juice boxes, Tr_ looked at Josh and Tyler. 

“Aren’t you guys that band? The one that doesn’t have a genre or whatever?”

“Oh,” Tyler said, “um, yeah. That’s us. You’re, um, Green Day, right? Yeah, I mean, I know you are, I- you guys are rock? I don’t- I don’t know, to be honest, I think-“

Josh coughed. “Hey, Tyler,” he said, “you know what would be great things to put in our next music video? Soup, tacos, onions, potatoes… you know, stuff like that.”

Tyler laughed. “What about, like, octopi, kites, apples, yetis…”

“Or maybe, like, yaks, oranges, unicorns, roads… limes, Asians, udders, giraffes, hotels… ice, soda… sinks, elephants, xylophones, you…”

“Or maybe, like, rashes, ears, angels, lubricant, lard, yachts…”

“Yearbooks, earthworms, angles, hippopotamuses…”

“Lemons, eels, teeth, socks… food, underwear, carrots-”

“Dude,” Mike said, “I’ve never watched any of your music videos, and after hearing that conversation, I don’t think I ever will. Anyway, though, do you guys need a ride? I mean, it’s the least we could do since you got Billie back to us.”

Tyler nodded. “That’d be great,” he said.

“Cool.”

Tr_ pointed his finger at Mike. “How many cool?” he shouted.

Mike and Billie pumped their fists in the air. “Tr_ Cool!” they shouted back.

Mike and Tr_ led the way to the bus, still drinking their juice boxes. Billie still clung to Mike’s back. Josh was last, just behind Tyler. As soon as he stepped onto the bus, he gasped.

Mike, Billie, and Tr_ were standing with their juice boxes in the center of the bus, completely surrounded by empty grape juice boxes. They covered every inch of the floor.

“I think you guys might have a problem,” Josh said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so, there are two chapters left in this story, but if you don't want it to be over, fear not, for I am currently plotting an even weirder sequel that will feature the actual cannibal shia lebeouf.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what has my life come to
> 
> *rapunzel from tangled voice* when will my liife beeegiiiiiiiin
> 
> answer: never, because i have no life.

Tr_ snorted. “I think you’ve got a problem.”

Gerard shook his head and sat down on a bench, followed by Mikey, Ray, Frank, Tyler, and Josh. The bus driver started driving. “Well, Billie definitely has a problem.”

Mike pointed a finger at Gerard. “You shut your mouth,” he said. “Billie Joe is a little sunshine muffin full of sparkles and awesomeness, and anybody who says otherwise is a little *potato*. You got that?”

Billie stuck his tongue out and licked Mike’s ear. “Thanks, Mike,” he said. 

Mike shuddered. “Dude, we don’t lick unless we’re alone, remember?”

Josh blinked. That was even weirder than the grape juice. Green Day was a weird band.

Tr_ looked at the others. “We’ve got a concert tonight, so you’ll all have to come with, but then, we can drive you home. Oh, wait! Dude! Josh, Tyler, you’re in a band. You wanna open for us?”

Josh blinked. He looked at Tyler. Tyler nodded eagerly. 

“Yeah, that’d be awesome!” Josh said to Tr_.

Tr_ looked at Mikey, Gerard, Ray, and Frank. “I mean,” he said, “you guys could open for us, too, but you’re not together, so… I mean, unless you want to get together again...”

Frank, Ray, Mikey, and Gerard turned to look at each other. 

“I mean, I’d love to,” Frank said.

“I’m in if Frank is,” Gerard said.

“If Gerard’s in, then I’m in, too,” Mikey said.

Ray blinked. “Wait, when did we break up?”

Gerard sighed at Ray. He turned to Tr_. “Yeah,” Gerard said, “everyone’s in. We’ll open for you guys.”

“Great. Dude, this’ll be the coolest concert ever. Green Day, twenty one pilots, My Chemical Romance…”

Tr_ pause to take a sip from his juice box. He finished it and tossed it on the floor. Billie and Mike followed suit before sitting down across from the others.

“So,” Mike said, “what exactly happened back there?”

Mikey looked up. “Well, it’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time. We’ve all got time. We’ve also got five mini-fridges stuffed with grape juice in the bathroom.”

Billie nodded. “Also, we have a licking fetish. And a lot of time.”

"Not to mention the grape juice. we have a lot of that."

"Tr_, we already said that one."

"Oh. Well, it's true. We have a lot of grape juice."

"What else do we have? Uh, well, I think I had a grape juice enema once."

"Wait, when did you do that?"

"I read The Milk Fic. Grape juice worked just as well as milk, Billie."

"But who was it with?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out."

"Hey, that's another! We have a lot of secrets!"

"And a lot of time. Go on, Mikey."

Mikey blinked. “Okay, well…”

Mikey proceeded to then tell the story of the events that had occurred over the past two and a half years. By the time he finished, they’d reached the concert venue.

“You guys all ready?” Mike asked.

“Of course we are,” Gerard replied. “We’re always ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, guys. there's only one more chapter after this, but as i said before, there will definitely be a sequel.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh
> 
> it's the last chapter, um.
> 
> i'd like to dedicate this to Hope (@/sorrynotjensen on Instagram), because Hope is nice, but Hope is having a kind of tough time right now, with anxiety and stuff. That really sucks. 
> 
> so, yeah.

Before the show started, everyone was backstage. Josh and Tyler were looking for a phone. Josh had reminded Tyler that if they were a thing, then Tyler really should tell Jenna.

“Found one,” Tyler said. There was a landline phone attached to the wall. Tyler picked it up and called Jenna. “Good luck,” Josh whispered. Tyler nodded.

“Jenna,” he said, “it’s me.”

“Tyler?”

“Yeah.”

“The real Tyler?”

“Uh-huh. Listen, Jenna, I have to tell you something.”

“I… Tyler, I should tell you something, too.”

“Okay, well, do you want to go first?”

“Well… okay, so, you went missing, right? Well… they had to find a fake Tyler. And I kind of fell in love with him, so. Um. I guess… um…”

Tyler laughed. “Jenna, that’s fine. We’ll get a divorce. I, uh, I’m in love with Josh anyway, so. Yeah.”

“Really? Aw, that’s so cute! So, are we good?”

“Yeah.”

Tyler looked at Josh. “Jenna’s cool with it,” he told him.

Josh smiled. “Good.”

They walked back to the dressing room. It seemed like everyone was wearing eyeliner except for Tyler and Josh. Well, and Ray, but Ray never wore eyeliner anyway. Oh, well. 

“Time to go,” Mike said. “We’ll signal for you guys to come on, okay?”

Everyone nodded. Mike, Billie, and Tr_ went on stage. Josh couldn’t see what was happening, but he could hear it:

“How the *potato* is everybody *potato* doing tonight?”

“WHOOOOOOO!”

“Yeah, me too!”

“WHOOOOOOO!”

“You guys are in for a huge show toni-“

“WHOOOOOOO!”

“Yeah!”

“WHOOOOOOO!”

“So, guess what?”

“WHHOooOoOO!”

“We’ve got another band with us tonight-“

“WHOOOOOOOO!”

“Actually, we’ve got two of them-“

“WHOOOOOOOO!”

“The first one is twenty one pi-“

“AAKJKAKlcnoiuynvcoiqeunWHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Josh and Tyler awkwardly walked on stage. Josh gave a small wave at the crowd.

“WHOOOOOOOO!”

“But there’s another band, too!”

“WHOOO!”

“They’ve gotten back together after an almost three-year-long hiatus-“

“WHOOOOOOOOooOOOOO”

“You know them as My Chemi-“

“LKAALUE LIWEIL CSLUC WHOOOOOOOO”

Gerard, Frank, Mikey, and Ray ran on stage. Gerard ran to Billie and grabbed the microphone from him. 

“We’re baaaaack!”

“WHOOOOOOOOOO!”

Billie grabbed the microphone back and handed it to Josh. “You wanna say something?”

Josh handed the microphone to Tyler. Tyler coughed. 

“Well,” he said, “we’ve all had some crazy stuff just happen, and that was all kind of weird. But, I mean…”

Tyler paused and laced his fingers with Josh’s.

“wHOOOOOOOOodfoi hdsak!”

“I mean, we’ve got each other, right? And as long as we all stick together-“

“WHOOOOOOOOO!”

“And as long as we have each other, we’ll always be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhh
> 
> it's over now
> 
> this was one of the weirdest things i've ever written tbh
> 
> but i'm making a sequel, like i've mentioned before, like, three times
> 
> mmm
> 
> bye, thank you for reading 
> 
> that's it
> 
> bye


End file.
